Unemployed Father Takes In Homeless Family For Christmas
Posted: 12-22-10 05:01 PM
Earlier this month, Gregory Schauer, 50, says he looked around his large, one-bedroom apartment in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and realized that he was barely using his master bedroom. Since he slept on the couch most nights anyway, he decided the best thing he could do with all of his extra space would be to invite in a homeless family for the holidays.
"I wanted to help someone else out by at least providing them a roof for shelter and a Christmas tree," he told HuffPost. "I can just barely cover all my bills, but I know there are people who are worse off than I am right now."
Schauer, who has been collecting unemployment checks since he was laid off from his engineering job in late July, posted an ad on Craigslist offering up his empty bedroom to a needy family. He would take care of rent and utilities, he promised, as long as they could afford to feed themselves. A homeless woman with three young children responded to the ad.
"I took in a mother and her three kids who were living at a shelter," he said. "It's a very nice, cozy apartment where they don't have to worry about bills or going from shelter to shelter. At least I can give them that."
Schauer said his new tenant works at Anthony Wayne Services Foundation, an organization that helps disabled people be more independent, and is on food stamps to supplement her modest income and feed her children. All Schauer does, he says, is keep a roof over their heads.
"I try to give them their space," he said.
Meanwhile, Schauer has five children of his own, all of whom live with their mother. He has been scouring Craigslist for extra work this holiday season to be able to afford presents for them.
"I am unemployed but I want to be able to give my kids a Christmas," he wrote in a Craigslist ad. "I'm very educated and also very handy. Will do just about anything for Christmas money so I can get my kids some presents to open on Christmas morning."
Schauer said he has received no replies to this ad so far, and since he has been paying 50 percent of his unemployment checks to child support, the prospects of buying presents for his kids this year look grim. But despite a disappointing job search, he said he still feels "blessed" to be able to provide Christmas shelter to one other family.
"If it inspires anyone else to open their doors or their hearts to help anyone out, it was all worth it," he said.
Comments section
stoves48
11 hours ago (10:36 AM)
For all of you cold hearted skeptics out there who thought this was a stunt, I wrote to the author to see if I could send this guy some cash and this was the response that was sent from Greg Schauer,
"Please let them know that the best thing they can do is pass it on so to speak. Instead of sending me anything, call a shelter, sponsor a family for Christmas, give to the food pantries, spread the spirit of Christmas to as many people as they can. This would be Truly wonderful. God Bless everyone who wrote such nice things. To me you are wonderful people. The warmth and love in my heart for others has never been greater."
What a fantastic person this guy is. I aspire to be so generous in action and in spirit.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Rally together to address the problem of broken homes
Man arrested, charged with murder of three-year-old boy
By Faris – December 23rd, 2010
A man has been arrested for causing the death of a three-year-old boy, who was beaten and subsequently died from his injuries.
Muhammad Raffiq Jaffah, 23, who is a friend of the toddler’s 22-year-old mother, was arrested and charged for causing causing grievous hurt to Danish Iman Abdullah on Dec 15, reported The Straits Times.
Currently in remand, he will appear in court next Tuesday and faces the death penalty if convicted.
Muhammad is alleged to have hit the boy in a Geylang Road apartment between 5.30pm and 6.15pm on Dec 15 by using his hand to slap the toddler’s face, causing him to hit the wall.
Danish was then taken to the intensive care unit of the hospital and six days later, he succumbed to his injuries at the KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital at 3.30am on Monday.
According to Singapore’s Malay newspaper Berita Harian, the child’s death certificate states that he died from a traumatic injury to the head.
A family friend who had visited Danish at the hospital told the paper, “His whole body was covered in black and blue bruises, his left leg was broken in eight places and the doctor said he suffered brain damage.”
He was buried at the Pusara Abadi cemetery in Chua Chu Kang on Tuesday. A man believed to be Danish’s father declined to be interviewed when Berita Harian approached him at the funeral.
It is understood that Danish and his mother used to live with his maternal grandmother in a four-room flat at Serangoon Avenue 2. However, neighbours said they had not seen both mother and child in recent months.
A neighbour, Ms K. Packyaletchumy, 48, said she used to see the petite, young mother walking with her son to school in the morning.
“The boy was very cute and chubby. He would always cry when he had to go to school and when he came home,” said Ms Packyaletchumy, a patient care assistant.
Another neighbour, Mr Ho Soon Chye, 55, said the family had moved into the flat about three years ago but he had stopped seeing both mother and child a few months ago.
The toddler’s death is the latest in a string of child abuse cases involving Malay families in recent years. Since 2006, there was a total six incidents of such child abuse cases which resulted in deaths.
Last year, Minister-in-charge of Muslim Affairs Yaacob Ibrahim, called for the Malay community to rally together to address the problem of broken homes. This comes after the death of six-year-old Muhammad Nor Rashidy Rahmat, who was allegedly killed by a family friend.
On Wednesday, Member of Parliament (MP) for Jurong GRC, Madam Halimah Yacob, said such abuse cases occurred mostly in dysfunctional families.
“Part of the problem is having young couples that are not mature enough to handle stressful situations that arise from marriage and parenthood,” she said.
Mdm Halimah added that further stress is created in families where parents remarry and bring in children from previous marriages.
The situation is also made worse by the fact that these families tend to belong to the lower income group and face pressures trying to make ends meet.
“Although there are many counselling programmes in place, most of these couples have to work all day, and they cannot attend the sessions.
“The challenge is in reaching out to them,” she said.
On the other hand, Mr Zaqy Mohamad, an MP for Hong Kah GRC, said understanding the profile of such families would help to target them more effectively.
He added that in the past year, he had seen changes in attitudes within the lower income group, and with parents wanting to do better.
Highlighting that the cases were not representative of the Malay community, Mr Zaqy said, “But once in a while, you get cases like these that make us take notice and reflect on whether we have been able to reach out to all corners and all sectors.”
Thank you for the incredible, amazing response to Yahoo!’s Fit-To-Post blog so far. We continue to welcome your views and comments but please don’t abuse this opportunity. Be nice. Be courteous. Be sensible. Respect the feelings of others and refrain from using any kind of offensive language. And in the spirit of great conversations, please don’t stray from the topic at hand.
By Faris – December 23rd, 2010
A man has been arrested for causing the death of a three-year-old boy, who was beaten and subsequently died from his injuries.
Muhammad Raffiq Jaffah, 23, who is a friend of the toddler’s 22-year-old mother, was arrested and charged for causing causing grievous hurt to Danish Iman Abdullah on Dec 15, reported The Straits Times.
Currently in remand, he will appear in court next Tuesday and faces the death penalty if convicted.
Muhammad is alleged to have hit the boy in a Geylang Road apartment between 5.30pm and 6.15pm on Dec 15 by using his hand to slap the toddler’s face, causing him to hit the wall.
Danish was then taken to the intensive care unit of the hospital and six days later, he succumbed to his injuries at the KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital at 3.30am on Monday.
According to Singapore’s Malay newspaper Berita Harian, the child’s death certificate states that he died from a traumatic injury to the head.
A family friend who had visited Danish at the hospital told the paper, “His whole body was covered in black and blue bruises, his left leg was broken in eight places and the doctor said he suffered brain damage.”
He was buried at the Pusara Abadi cemetery in Chua Chu Kang on Tuesday. A man believed to be Danish’s father declined to be interviewed when Berita Harian approached him at the funeral.
It is understood that Danish and his mother used to live with his maternal grandmother in a four-room flat at Serangoon Avenue 2. However, neighbours said they had not seen both mother and child in recent months.
A neighbour, Ms K. Packyaletchumy, 48, said she used to see the petite, young mother walking with her son to school in the morning.
“The boy was very cute and chubby. He would always cry when he had to go to school and when he came home,” said Ms Packyaletchumy, a patient care assistant.
Another neighbour, Mr Ho Soon Chye, 55, said the family had moved into the flat about three years ago but he had stopped seeing both mother and child a few months ago.
The toddler’s death is the latest in a string of child abuse cases involving Malay families in recent years. Since 2006, there was a total six incidents of such child abuse cases which resulted in deaths.
Last year, Minister-in-charge of Muslim Affairs Yaacob Ibrahim, called for the Malay community to rally together to address the problem of broken homes. This comes after the death of six-year-old Muhammad Nor Rashidy Rahmat, who was allegedly killed by a family friend.
On Wednesday, Member of Parliament (MP) for Jurong GRC, Madam Halimah Yacob, said such abuse cases occurred mostly in dysfunctional families.
“Part of the problem is having young couples that are not mature enough to handle stressful situations that arise from marriage and parenthood,” she said.
Mdm Halimah added that further stress is created in families where parents remarry and bring in children from previous marriages.
The situation is also made worse by the fact that these families tend to belong to the lower income group and face pressures trying to make ends meet.
“Although there are many counselling programmes in place, most of these couples have to work all day, and they cannot attend the sessions.
“The challenge is in reaching out to them,” she said.
On the other hand, Mr Zaqy Mohamad, an MP for Hong Kah GRC, said understanding the profile of such families would help to target them more effectively.
He added that in the past year, he had seen changes in attitudes within the lower income group, and with parents wanting to do better.
Highlighting that the cases were not representative of the Malay community, Mr Zaqy said, “But once in a while, you get cases like these that make us take notice and reflect on whether we have been able to reach out to all corners and all sectors.”
Thank you for the incredible, amazing response to Yahoo!’s Fit-To-Post blog so far. We continue to welcome your views and comments but please don’t abuse this opportunity. Be nice. Be courteous. Be sensible. Respect the feelings of others and refrain from using any kind of offensive language. And in the spirit of great conversations, please don’t stray from the topic at hand.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
You're not some guy's fun time
Should You Ever Date a Guy Who is Separated but Still Married?
Dear DDHG,
I have a big problem and I'm hoping I can turn to DDHG to some advice. I'm a single, 28-year old woman with no kids. I have a good job, own my condo and have been supporting myself since I was 17 years old.
I put myself through college and am working on another degree right now. About three weeks ago, I met a really nice guy who seemed just perfect. There was one problem though, he said he was "separated, but still married". He told me about all the problems he had with his wife and why they were divorcing. He hasn't filed for divorce, neither has she, but they live in separate houses. Is this the kind of guy I should be investing my time in? Should a guy like this be on the dating scene in the first place?
- SEEKING ADVICE, New York
Dear Seeking,
The answer is no, this guy should not be on the dating scene. He should wait until he is divorced and so should you before you even think about dating him long term. Guys who have recently left marriages aren't really emotionally equipped to jump right into another serious relationship.
"Most guys want to play before they settle," says DDHG resident male The Average Guy. "If a guy has been in a marriage or committed relationship and it ends, the first thing they want to do is find something new. But they're not looking for a serious relationship, they're looking for fun."
You're not some guy's fun time. You're better than that. It seems like you've accomplished a lot in life and you don't need a guy who is still married to weigh you down. :)
Dear DDHG,
I have a big problem and I'm hoping I can turn to DDHG to some advice. I'm a single, 28-year old woman with no kids. I have a good job, own my condo and have been supporting myself since I was 17 years old.
I put myself through college and am working on another degree right now. About three weeks ago, I met a really nice guy who seemed just perfect. There was one problem though, he said he was "separated, but still married". He told me about all the problems he had with his wife and why they were divorcing. He hasn't filed for divorce, neither has she, but they live in separate houses. Is this the kind of guy I should be investing my time in? Should a guy like this be on the dating scene in the first place?
- SEEKING ADVICE, New York
Dear Seeking,
The answer is no, this guy should not be on the dating scene. He should wait until he is divorced and so should you before you even think about dating him long term. Guys who have recently left marriages aren't really emotionally equipped to jump right into another serious relationship.
"Most guys want to play before they settle," says DDHG resident male The Average Guy. "If a guy has been in a marriage or committed relationship and it ends, the first thing they want to do is find something new. But they're not looking for a serious relationship, they're looking for fun."
You're not some guy's fun time. You're better than that. It seems like you've accomplished a lot in life and you don't need a guy who is still married to weigh you down. :)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Hang on, God will give us the victory!
Be faithful
Adoniram Judson and his sweet wife, Ann, were missionaries in India and Burma. During their tour of service, Adoniram was arrested as an enemy agent when his homeland, England, and the nation in which he served became disenchanted with one another. Immediately, Judson was imprisoned. The tiny cell in which he was incarcerated was so crowded and small that the prisoners had to take turns sleeping. There was not enough room for all of them to lie down. The hot sun beating upon the dingy cell caused unbearable suffering through heat prostration. The stench also became obnoxious as the men were never allowed to bathe.
One day the government officials decided to punish the prisoners and Judson was hoisted into the air by his thumbs. Pain filled his body as he remained suspended in mid air for hours at a time. His precious helpmeet, Ann, would come by the cell daily, look inside, and weep. However, this soldier of the cross always encouraged her man by saying, "Hang on, Adoniram. God will give us the victory." As the days and weeks past, faithful Ann no longer made the visits and Adoniram's loneliness increased. No one had informed him that she was dying. All he had now was a memory of his sweetheart saying, "Hang on, Adoniram. God will give us the
Months later, upon his release, he immediately began the search for Ann. As he approached the area where he formerly lived, he saw a child so begrimed with dirt that he failed to recognize the little one as his own. He the dashed into the tent and saw the form of one so small and weak from malnutrition, that she appeared to be a skeleton. Her beautiful flowing hair had also fallen out and she was
As Adoniram called, she failed to respond. It seemed as though she were already dead. He took her in his arms and wept. The hot tears dropping on her angelic face revived Ann and she said, "hang on, Adoniram; God will give us the victory."
Adoniram lost his sweetheart, but not his faith and courage. He continued under dire circumstances to preach and to build churches, and when this man of God was buried, scores of churchs had come into existence through his labors. Adoniram and Ann ran the race faithfully unto the end and experience the "abundant entrance" I have been proclaiming. What will your homegoing be like, Christian?
Adoniram Judson and his sweet wife, Ann, were missionaries in India and Burma. During their tour of service, Adoniram was arrested as an enemy agent when his homeland, England, and the nation in which he served became disenchanted with one another. Immediately, Judson was imprisoned. The tiny cell in which he was incarcerated was so crowded and small that the prisoners had to take turns sleeping. There was not enough room for all of them to lie down. The hot sun beating upon the dingy cell caused unbearable suffering through heat prostration. The stench also became obnoxious as the men were never allowed to bathe.
One day the government officials decided to punish the prisoners and Judson was hoisted into the air by his thumbs. Pain filled his body as he remained suspended in mid air for hours at a time. His precious helpmeet, Ann, would come by the cell daily, look inside, and weep. However, this soldier of the cross always encouraged her man by saying, "Hang on, Adoniram. God will give us the victory." As the days and weeks past, faithful Ann no longer made the visits and Adoniram's loneliness increased. No one had informed him that she was dying. All he had now was a memory of his sweetheart saying, "Hang on, Adoniram. God will give us the
Months later, upon his release, he immediately began the search for Ann. As he approached the area where he formerly lived, he saw a child so begrimed with dirt that he failed to recognize the little one as his own. He the dashed into the tent and saw the form of one so small and weak from malnutrition, that she appeared to be a skeleton. Her beautiful flowing hair had also fallen out and she was
As Adoniram called, she failed to respond. It seemed as though she were already dead. He took her in his arms and wept. The hot tears dropping on her angelic face revived Ann and she said, "hang on, Adoniram; God will give us the victory."
Adoniram lost his sweetheart, but not his faith and courage. He continued under dire circumstances to preach and to build churches, and when this man of God was buried, scores of churchs had come into existence through his labors. Adoniram and Ann ran the race faithfully unto the end and experience the "abundant entrance" I have been proclaiming. What will your homegoing be like, Christian?
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Permissible Man-Slaughter
50 FACTS ABOUT WOMEN
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.
14. Women think all beer is the same.
15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
18. Women brush their hair before bed.
19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.
20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible". Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?
22. Women do not know anything about cars. "Oil- stick, oil doesn't stick?"
23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.
30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.
32. The first naked man a women see is "Ken".
33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.
34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
35. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.
36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.
37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.
39. If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
40. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good china".
41. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.
42. Origin of the word "woman" is: woo-man.
43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)
44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.
45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay. You don't see straight men dancing together.
49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, "Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.
14. Women think all beer is the same.
15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
18. Women brush their hair before bed.
19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.
20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible". Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?
22. Women do not know anything about cars. "Oil- stick, oil doesn't stick?"
23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.
30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.
32. The first naked man a women see is "Ken".
33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.
34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
35. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.
36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.
37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.
39. If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
40. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good china".
41. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.
42. Origin of the word "woman" is: woo-man.
43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)
44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.
45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay. You don't see straight men dancing together.
49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, "Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"
Do you sell heart medication?
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'
Blur husband
You Don't Need to Be a Weatherman...
It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
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